I am back!

Yes that is correct I am back in the blogging world....well at least for today! Ha. Just kidding I do plan on getting back into the swing of this again because I know a few people do enjoy it and frankly I miss it too!

Life has been full the last two months.
Full of....school, work, tears, tough decisions, friends, photography, questions, football games, fall candles burning, piles of laundry, my grandparents from Las Vegas,my big sis from college wedding, volleyball, edits, long nights, my dear friend Hilary having a baby girl, my college roomie Mara having a baby girl as well, Bon fires, a visit from my bestie Katy,keeping track of our 'zoo',watching the leaves turn colors, searching for God, and so much more.
Fall is my all time favorite time of the year, but to be honest this has been an emotional one. I am not going to blog the details however, I will say that has been some of the reasons why I have MIA from the blogging world. I hate to burden others so until now I just decided to sign off for a while.i am glad to be back though and hopefully it won't be another two months before I blog again!

This week is fall break from school and our last volleyball game is Saturday. I am ready for that.it will still be a full week- I have seven, yes seven! photo seasons this week so it will be busy but something I sure love doing so I don't mind one bit!
Today I should be inside catching up on edits before the week starts but instead I am sitting on the front porch, enjoying this blustery fall day, watching the corn dry and being thankful for the blessings I do have.
Until my next post...have a blessed day.

a little bit about our life lately.

Gosh I don't even know where to begin. Life has been a crazy mess for the past month or so, its hard to even know where to start. I am thinking that bullet points might work best for this.



-My wonderful, amazing and beautiful mother celebrated her birthday last week! I am not going to tell her happy birthday on here because from all of the crazy things that have happened when we say that, its best that I don't. (a terrible dinner, lost flowers, lost card...you name it, poor mom has had a rough time celebrating her day!!) I love you mom!!! Thanks for being such an amazing mother and happy day!

-Nathan finished up his week at IU! I sure did miss him and was so thankful to have him back.

-My new teaching job is maybe one of the best ever. I REALLY enjoy teaching high school health(so far!). I sure miss the little ones and their smiles but I do enjoy what I am doing now.

-I have amazing friends!! I couldnt make it without them. Nathan and I have spent some weeks with some great friends lately and it sure makes other things so much easier to go through.

-Cookie, our cat, came back!!! She was gone for about two days, and Nathan and I really missed her so we were both very excited when she came back this week.

-We went to the state fair(for only my third time) and watch Mark sell his piggies.

-721 Photography is GROWING!!! Such a blessing and a joy.

-Volleyball is going. :) enough said.

-We finished moving out of our Dyer house... we are just waiting on the papers to go through and it will be SOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please say a prayer that it all goes through. It has been a huge blessing to know that it will be sold.

There is so much more and has been so much more but the weather is beautiful out, Nathan just asked me to go for a walk so its time to enjoy the remainder of the weekend with him. :)

for sara!

one of my very best friends, college roomie and pal posted and said that I hadnt posted in a while. I guess I kind-of forgot about my poor blog. Its now 10pm, I just got home from a volleyball game and I have about 4 hours of work ahead of me tonight, laundry to do and a house to unpack. Needless to say, my poor little blog is being left in the dust for a while. 

 Life is crazy. I mean really crazy. I promise one of these days I will write all about it...until then...

HI SARA- thanks for blog stalking me! I miss you and it too!

a post with no title.

Dear August-
 How did you get here so quickly? It seemed like just a few posts ago I was celebrating being off for the summer and now I am scrambling to get lesson plans up for my new teaching job that I start on Friday. Life has been flying by and it seems like I pass myself coming and going. I have even started waving because I don't want to be rude!
 Could you please take the next four days VERY slowly. I am not wanting school to come so soon! Thank you.


 This week was the first official volleyball practice and I have to say I am looking forward to seeing if our hard work has paid off. I know there is always that chance that it wont be pretty, I am trying to stay positive and hopeful for a successful season.
 On Sunday we 'helped' Shane and Jana move into their new house. That help consisted of a pizza, bottle of wine, 2am trip to Walmart, oatmeal cream pies, Steak & Shake and Bob Evans breakfast all within 12 hrs. IT WAS AWESOME! I felt like I was back in college, we hadnt laughed that hard in a long time. Lets just say my stomach wasn't sure what hit it...its been a while since we have had a 2am S&S run! I sure didn't want to come back to the real world Monday morning thats for sure!!
 Monday night was a sad night at the Taulman house...it was the season finale of The Bachlorette!! haha Nathan was a trooper and watched the ending with me. I am thinking that this one might actually work out... :) I can't wait for next season!!
 Tuesday I went into school and found out I was now teaching Health. So I have been really busy trying to get things ready for that. There is NOTHING worse than walking into a HS classroom with nothing prepared! At least with the little ones you can pretend like you know what you are doing! haha
 Today Heather & I met for a walk and got poured on! I just had to laugh because it rained for about 15 min. and that was the 15min. we were out there. As least we had a little time to catch-up before we both head back to school.
 Tomorrow I have another full day at school and then volleyball. I do have a web-seminar tomorrow night that I am REALLY looking forward to.

Thats all for now. I started this post @ 9 and I am finally finishing it at 11:26...trying to do too many things at one, guess this is why I have three 'draft' posts from last week that never got posted. oh well. night all!

yes...I am still around.

Its been a looong while. The blogging has been nada this month for many reason but mostly because I have been busy and when I do sit down @ the computer it is to work on 721 and the last week we were at the lake! However, today I decided to let all of my friends and family know that I am still around and will get back to the blogging soon.:)

Today I am trying to get work done but I have a million-ok like a billion thought running through my head and I can't focus on much- I wish I was back at the lake.

my view for most of the week..it was awesome!

It was a wonderful wonderful week with my family, I feel so blessed that God has given us something that we all enjoy. . Mom, Gavin, Nathan and I shared many stories, laughs, tears, memories, fishing stories, boat rides, super Nintendo games, sunsets, Ginos pizza, reading, talking about life and missing dad ALOT.

dinner compliments of Nathan!

paradise!!!

The weather was HOT but we were thankful to not have too much rain. We spent many hours in the water trying to stay cool.

mom enjoying a little peace and quiet.

Our friends came to visit which was another added bonus, Uncle Kevin made a trip over and Aunt Mary & Jim came too, it was so great to see all of them!! 

Nathan and I also celebrated our 4th anniversary!

Overall it was an A+ week.

Yes we were very bummed to have to head back home(although I really missed Hoss and was sure glad to see him!)Nathan and I pulled in last night and I ran to get the mail and start sorting it. It was a fun tradition that we had when the four of us would get home from the lake...I will spare you the details of the rest but lets just say we would race to pick our favorite magazine and then race to the 'office'. Seems silly but I missed those moments last night. I was sorting the piles of the mail a wave of sadness hit... I miss those moments that we had as a family. Its the little things that I miss. Little things like racing to sort the mail makes my heart ache.

a beautiful sunset..one of dads favorite things @ the lake

As thoughts run through my head today I wonder if others have these thoughts. Thoughts of when. where. how. why. what. who. Today I am searching for answers to some of those. Most are totally out of my control, I know that.  But maybe by the end of the day and after a billion thoughts I will have a more clear answer of at least one of them or be so tired that I will just need sleep. Either way, the thought are running and I do mean running.

back to work, thoughts & thinking of the lake.

about to land @ the lake...so cool!

 

Hotel Taulman

The past few days it has been hotel Taulman here and we sure have had fun!! On Wednesday, Nathan's parents came down for a few days! It was really enjoyable and fun to be able to sit on the back porch and catch up on life with them.  We planted some flowers, cooked out, played some golf, chatted and hosted a healthy chocolate party!! side note: Yes, we are hooked on a new thing called Healthy Chocolate and it is making a WORLD of difference in my life. Think- eating chocolate while getting healthy, having LOTS of energy, losing a few pounds, fast recovery times after workouts, clearing up my acne and it GOOD FOR YOU- I mean really really good for you!! (sara, I am emailing you about it...I am pretty sure you would be in complete love with it- its totally up your food science alley). I also hosted a kids volleyball camp last week- we had a great turn-out and I saw a BIG improvement in the girls. It gives me hope for the future of AHS volleyball!!

 After they left on Friday, and I had a photo shoot in the evening and then Shane and Jana came for the weekend! We played golf, did a little shopping and met Kelly & Tim for dinner in Louisville(we missed you Heather!), the three of them studied, we stayed up REALLY late chatting about life and bouncing future ideas off eachother.  It was so nice being with such great friends all weekend. On Saturday night we got a crazy storm here (3.5 inches of rain in less then 3 hours!) and they were calling for more tornado's. So I woke everyone up around 3 and we had a slumber party in the basement for a few hours- talk about fun!! I listened to the guys snore and Jana talk in her sleep- needless to say I had a few good laughs in those couple of hours.
 Yesterday was a LAZY Sunday. I pretty much spent the day on the couch- Nathan and I went for a walk and made dinner but found ourselves back on the couch to finish off the evening.
 I am LOVING summer and wish it would slow down!! I am going to wash the sheets from Hotel Taulman today, catch-up on laundry, then head to volleyball later tonight(by the way we won our game on Wednesday night!!).

the week that was...

Well, thankfully I survived last week. After a little over 1,500 miles on my poor car(and I didnt even drive to Florida!) Sunday afternoon I was thankful to be home and very thankful that we no longer travel via horse and buggy!!

 warning. this post might just get REALLY long but I want to write about everything so if you get bored...click on! :)

Saturday started the weeks festivities with our trip to Bloomington. We picked up Nathans race packet and enjoyed dinner at an awesome brewery in bloomington with our great friends Shane & Jana. It was one of the most fun 'couple date nights' I have had in a really long time. We pretty much covered every topic under the sun and realized that is pretty scary how much Jana and I's are alike. We have always know Nathan and Shane have been brothers since birth and I guess great minds think like when it comes to picking their spouses!! :)
 Sunday morning we were up bright and early and ready for Nathans Olympic Distance tri-altalon(1 mile swim, 26.2 mile bike and a 6.1 mile run). side note: I was SICK I was so nervous- now I know that sounds silly but ALOT of people don't finish these kind of things and since my dear wonderful husband had not swam since LAST July and only biked about 5 miles the day before I was SLIGHTLY nervous about this).
 I was SOOOO thankful that Shane and Jana were there too keep me calm. Once Nathan FINALLY got out of the water-I am pretty sure it was the longest 36 minutes of my life- I was a little better. They had to head back a study for the bar they are taking at the end of July so I stayed and watched and waited to see him make it off the bike and onto the run and then come across that finish line. Within those 3 hours that I sat there, they had to pull 2 people out of the water that couldn't make it and three ambulances went by...and you wonder why I was a little apprehensive!! I was one VERY VERY proud wife as I watched him transition each time and when he was finished I will admit I was a little teary. He really is pretty stinkin amazing if I do say so myself. Especially after I heard the professionals finishing up saying it was the hardest and most terrible course they had ever done!!
a few pictures of the day...

thankful for great friends to cheer him on!

ready to go!(sort-of!!)

bike, helmet, shoes....

last few seconds before hitting the water

GO NATHAN GO!!

and he is off...

he is out there somewhere!

here he comes!!!!

out of the water and headed towards the bike!

there he goes again...look at that hill! NO THANKS!

made it back from the killer ride and looking forward to the run.

a smile of reassurance for the wife!

a little chug before he hits the road again.

and he is off again!

this one is for your dad!

headed for the home stretch!!!

he can see the finish!

3 hours and 18 minutes later he is finished!!!

Nathan- I am so proud of you!! I love you so much and everyday you continue to inspire and amaze me. 

After we loaded up the car we headed back to S&J's for some much deserved pizza and water! We enjoyed the day their house then headed back to pick up my car so I was could be off to Dyer. 

It was so great being up with my dear friends and our old home. Bridgette and I enjoyed Monday at the pool and we finished off the evening with some MUCH needed girl time and dinner with Vicky & Hilary. I am so thankful God put them into my life. I am not sure I would make it through some of the tough things without them. 

 A few funnies that I want to remember from the time up there: 

-B & I went to Subway in our bathing suits- I sort-of forgot we were not in the county until when we walked in and the dressed up costumers look at us funny. opps!

-We saw some 'snannagins' as B calls, it at the pool. 

-We stayed up way to late watching the Bachlorette. 

-Our kind neighbors told me they prayed everyday for our house to sell and asked if we could do a prayer walk- it was one of the coolest and nicest things anyone has done for me. 

-We almost left the restaurant without paying! on total accident!

-The two days up there were well worth the drive!!

Tuesday morning I got up and went into Kolling and all I can say is WOW! It was so good for my heart. I have missed those kids like crazy and it was evident they missed me too(such a great feeling). They all asked if I was coming back and told me to 'Tell Mr. Taulman he needs to quit school so you can come back' too cute!! It was a great few hours and I got to see some wonderful friends and co-workers. I wish I could have stayed longer but it was off to the next stop!

After the visit to Kolling I jumped in the car and headed for Cinci to meet Nathan, Shane & Jana for a Cubs/Reds game and a round of golf!!

ok this post is getting long and I am getting tried soooo I will leave with: to be continued.....

yep. still. here.

june? really? YIPPEE.
 school is out. track is over. 721 is busy. the weather is beautiful. i have a LONG blog post forming in my head. the 500 was one of the best ever. nathan is great. cookie, cheerio & hoss are as cute as ever. i love summer break. we went for a bike ride and run today. i am out of shape.

this next week will be crazy.

tomorrow-editing, drive to bloomington.
sunday- nathan does a tri-athalon. i drive to dyer.
monday- day in dyer with friends :) nathan spends the day working.
tuesday- drive to Cincinnati. meet nathan and friends. attend a Cubs/Reds baseball game.
wednesday- play golf. drive to louisville for a volleyball league with my team.
thursday- drive to indy. nathan works on school projects.two photo shoots. drive to wabash. see a friend.
friday- photo shoot in the morning. drive to madion for another photo shoot in the evening.
saturday- wedding.
sunday...i am pretty sure i will be spending the day on the couch after that week!

i think i need a helicopter- it might make things a little more fun. :) until next week... i am off to catch some zzzz's before tomorrow comes. night all.

p.s. i love non-complete sentences with bad spelling and no capitalization. for some reason it is making me smile right now. oh, well.

p.s.s.my husband just asked me what i did to my hair today. i said 'nothing'. he laughed and said 'i can tell.' lovely.

middle of May already???

Wow- this month is flying by. I am not sure if thats a good thing or bad. I have missed the blogging world but I just cant seem to fit it in. We have had  a full two weeks. I have thought so many times- I gotta blog this but before I knew it its been two weeks and I can't even remember everything. I have been trying to make lots of to-do lists so I can feel a little more accomplished(there is just something great about making a big fat line through something that has been staring you in the face for the last month or so!) I am going to do a  list for the last two week...here goes nothing.

-We celebrated my wonderful husbands birthday! We went to eat at a very cool restaurant in Indy and then I got him a beer brewing kit!! The Taulman house now has a new 'brew-master'! I am so blessed to have been given the priviage to marry such an amazing man. He truly is a gift from God to me. On his birthday we had track practice and enjoyed an evening at home with a run and time with our newest family members...our kittens!

-Yes, we got two new kittens last week!!! They are so stinkin cute and lots of fun. Cookie & Cheerio are our newest family members and are adjusting to their new lives very well. We have had lots of good laughs and fun with them both. Hoss loves them too!

-We had a wonderful Mothers Day with our moms- we got to see both of them!! It is so awesome to have TWO mothers that love us so much.

-Track, Track & more Track. enough said.

-My first sr. photo session of the season was a huge success!! Loved it.

-Nathan started his brew.

-My prayer life has STUNK. I am struggling with it- this week will hopefully be better.

-We started running again- Nathan is training for a tri-athalon in June. I am so proud of him!

-I am working on some new things for 721. :)

-The school year is coming to an end- I have no idea if I have a job next year- that is a little stressful.

-Nathan has been studying ALOT. I still dont know how he does it but he pretty much rocks!

-have had three very vivid dreams with my dad alive in them in the last week. love those and hate them at the same time. I wake up emotionally exhausted and missing him so much. 

-Its been raining all weekend. Had to cancel a photo session but got my to-do list almost done!!

-Our house still has not sold. I am so frustrated with it and have shed alot of tears because of it. I know we can't do anything else about it but its hard to just sit back and wait.

-This week is track sectional- I am feeling a little bitter sweet that it is coming to an end. I have LOVED coaching with Nathan and this had been the best group of girls.We have had so much fun, shared lots of laughs, watched them improve so much and feel like we have done a good job with them. I truly enjoyed coaching this track season,. I will miss them but will be glad to be have a non-coaching life back for a week or so before volleyball starts up again.

-so thankful for my wonderful friends and family. They make life better. 

- my to-do list is almost finished and I want to get it totally done before tonight so I am off to finish it.

Hi, I'm Erin and you are???

That is just about how the conversation Nathan and I had on Saturday morning went. I am pretty sure our drive to Indy was the first conversation we had had together in about a week!! Our days have been consumed with track, MBA classes, volleyball, meetings, school, a hair apt(a long overdue must!), and online workshops. Last week was nuts, and I have a feeling from the look of things the next few weeks are not going to get any less nuttier! I have missed blogging but I just can't seem time to fit it in. After this week I have decided I need to start planning out my weeks on Sunday nights. I think it might help reduce the stress and feeling of being totally overwhelmed! Yuck.
We are currently at moms in Indy and I don't have my computer or I would be busy editing instead if blogging. Let's just say I am ready for summer vacation so I can get back to somewhat of a less nuttiness(if that is even a word!!!) life. Until then...
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart.

rain & sunshine

We had a full week last week and I am just now getting time to blog about it. Monday was a very emotional day- it is still so hard to believe that Daddy has been gone for eight years. Nathan and I were just looking at pictures today and his smile was so contagious. I miss him so much everyday. I am not sure how people say 'it will get easier with time' I am positive it is never easy and there wont be a time that it is 'easy'. When you loose your Dad and hero, its not going to be easy.
 The rest of the week was kind-of a blur. We had track and volleyball, then Thursday Kristofer came over for a very 'random' dinner(chicken fingers, taco's, pickles, pulled chicken, mac & cheese, french fries and capri-sun) we all had a good laugh over that! He kindly suggested that we go to his dad's restaurant for a 'meal' but I insisted that our meal was very well balanced! ha Thats what happens when you are coaching a sport!
 Saturday we were scheduled to have a track meet BUT it RAINED!!! yippee. Lets' just say that I was not the least bit disappointed when they canceled it. Nathan and I stayed in most of the day and he read, I worked, I took a nap while he watched some games and then we went to church last night. I must say that is just another thing that I LOVE about our church. We had plans for today, so we were going to miss church, but thankfully Northside has a Saturday night service so we didn't miss!
 Today we were up and headed to Indy for a photo shoot. It was a little chilly but so much fun. We made a quick stop for lunch at mom's and headed back south so I could edit and get the pics sent to the clients. Tonight we both have been busy at our computers. I must say I am sooo thankful for the double desk that we invested in this fall. It makes it nice to be working in the same room!! :) 
  We have a full week and I am sooo excited for it...then its time for the Easter Bunny to visit! :)

and the thunder rolls...

I love bright sunny Saturdays that you can spend the entire day outside-however I do LOVE a good storm too and today it is a good storm day!
 Last night we had a 'star gazer' track meet that kept us out until 2AM!!! CRAZY I KNOW! We left school at 3:30 and the bus pulled in with a bunch of sleepy high school runners and coaches at 1:30. Talk about a long day! I must say though, it turned out to be a fun night, as much as I was dreading it. The weather was perfect(75 & sunny) and the girls ran great!!! It was really a fun time and I think the girls enjoyed it too. I don't think I have ever coached a more fun group. It helps to only have 11 team members because you can really get to know them and with a small team its about how well they do personally so they all work really hard. We had lots of laughs and high fives which always makes it fun! Last year they only scored 4 points and this year we finished with 20! Not too bad if I do say so myself.
 Nathan and I slept in today and when I looked in the mirror this morning I just started laughing!! It is bad...the bags under my eyes are about as big as grapefruits and I think I need a tooth pick to hold up my lazy eye!! haha
 After a night like that I am sooooo thankful for a good storm day. Nathan and I are going to stay in our sweats all day and enjoy every hole of the Masters!! I. CANT.WAIT! I love love love watching it and we have a bet about Tiger so that makes it even more fun!

a little of this and a little of that

This week FLEW by(now only 7 weeks left of school) !! Lets see- on Tuesday we had track practice and came home and did NOTHING. It was a little silly but both of us just sat in quite and enjoyed the evening. I finished a book I was reading and Nathan played games on the ipad. Sometimes in this crazy busy world, its good to take some time in quietness and reflect.
 Thursday we had a track meet. I love having Nathan there too help(and the girls LOVE having him there too!). I was VERY proud of the girls, I really couldnt have asked for more. Once the track meet was over, we finally got to head home around 9! That is one of the things(other that it being COLD) that I don't like about track is that the meets sometimes take forever! We were both pretty cold when we got home. It was a long few hours standing out there.
 Friday was April fools day! No, Nathan didn't play any jokes on me(not that I know of that is!) haha. We spent the day together- it was a pretty awesome day. Friday night we headed out to dinner with Heather and Stephen before going to the Easter Pageant at SouthEast church.  

 This is the largest church I have ever seen!!! We sat in the THIRD balcony and had to take two escalators up to get there! The pageant  was AMAZING!!! It was the story of Jesus from birth to death. I cried through half of it and was drained when I left but I still cant get it out of my mind. This production took over 1500 people to put on- they had live donkeys, camels, goats, lambs, a Broadway actor and a live baby Jesus. I just can't explain how unbelievable it was.

 Nathan and I talked when we left about the part that hit us the hardest. The one thing that we both agreed on was the feeling of His followers turning against him after they had seen him perform so many wonderful things. It really made me think- how many times have I seen him do things in my life, yet when I am not getting the answers that I want, I turn against him. Has made me think alot the last two days. 

 On our way there- God wanted to hi!  can you see his promise. :)

It was a wonderful night and I am so thankful that Heather and Stephen asked us to go. I will never forget the experience.
 Saturday I think both of us were drained from Friday! Nathan got up and did homework for a few hours while I delivered photos. We went for a run and then spent the rest of the day watching basketball. I am so excited about Monday night(Go Bulldogs!)- however it is always so bitter sweet to see March Madness come to an end. Just means we have to wait till November again to watch basketball every night! 

 Today we heard a great message at church. He said something that really made sense to me(maybe because I am a die hard basketball fan and I could totally under his analogy) . He mentioned March Madness and talked about how we start with so many teams and we keep eliminating them to get to the champion. He then asked us who or what is our Final Four? If we have as a God part of our life we should ultimately have God as our champion every time. Makes me think a little- what is my Final Four and do I make God my champion every time?
 Today has been a beautiful blustery day. I am procrastinating on doing the laundry with blogging, taking pictures outside and cleaning- I HATE LAUNDRY!!!   haha.
 Go Bulldogs and Go God!!!!

a man and his dog

There is just something special about a man and his dog.

Since we have moved here Hoss and Nathan have developed a special bond. He LOVES to go on walks and runs with him. They are pretty good buds(I must say I get a little jealous sometimes so I just give Hoss a few extra treats and then I get the extra attention for a day or so!!)

When we walked outside for our walk the first thing out of my mouth was WOW this lighting is every photographers dream! After we finished out little trip, I ran inside to grab the camera and got this shot. I LOVE how the sun is hitting the top of Hoss's head and coming through the trees. so cool.

  

Happy Monday!  love Nathan, Erin & Hoss too

spring break

I posted a few days ago about our sunny, warm, beautiful trip to Orlando, however, today we woke up to this........

yes, that would be snow!! I guess I spoke to soon about that crazy state of NJ getting snow in March. WE HAVE IT TOO!! I much prefer the sunshine and palm trees, so I had to post them too.

We ate at the most delicious steakhouse called Charlies. It was AMAZING!

please excuse the extremely tired look- this was after our day of flying!

 I hate ALLIGATOR!

Nathans 22 oz steak!! yumm

yep- Nathan found the basketball hoop!

my stud!

 Its tradition that we write N loves E in the sand...but since we weren't on the beach Nathan did it in the sky!! Pretty cool huh?! :)

N loves E

you can take the boy out of Indiana but you can't take the Indiana out of the boy!

before dinner

Downtown Disney!!!!!

Marry Poppins...my favorite!

Disney everywhere!

I think Nathan is dreaming of the day we will take our kids to Disney! haha

super freaky moving winged lady.

T-REX

Legos- so cool

its even Magical @ night!

my view for the two days

getting out of the sun for a bit!

:)

GOSH I MISS THIS!

Tomorrow- I head back to work.booo.however, I am going in with a positive attitude and with the count-down of only 35 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!