As I sit and wait for pictures to upload I realized its been a while since I last posted. Unfortunately, I have had no desire to blog. I am warning you, in this post I am going to be very open and it might not be the happiest of blog posts. I write this post for myself. I want to remember this time so that someday I can look back and say...see I MADE IT and it was WORTH IT. read @ your own risk.
Sometimes when the going gets tough- the tough
really really want to quit! Right now I am ready to quit. Things are hard and I am struggling through many things right now. This week I have done a fair share of shedding tears, a fair share of talking with God and a fair share of hurting. No, there is not one thing, one person, or one moment that hurt. Its been building up for a while and this week it came to head. I am asking millions of questions, have so many worries, and there are lots thoughts running through my head and I just wonder what in the world Gods plans are all about. I wonder about my job- is it really for me? I wonder about our move- was it the best decision? I wonder about our future- where and what will it bring? I worry about my family, I miss my dad and I hurt for my friends. My head knows that God has a plan but its not in my heart right now.
My heart is heavy and I wish it wasn't. I HATE feeling this way and I am tired of the 'Erin, are you ok? You don't look like you feel good today.' I just want to scream... I HAVE A HEART ACHE- but very few would understand and I might get some pretty funny looks. I will just keep praying that my 'sickly look' will go away and my heart will hurt a little less. As for now, I am tired and not feeling very tough this week. I pray next week will be better and my heart will start to believe what my head knows.
A wonderful friend wrote to me this week and finished the email with this verse...
So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. (1 Peter 1:6)
I am going to keep praying, keep trying to be tough and know that God has a wonderful plan in store for Nathan and I, and that gives me hope.